…increase posts about giant men getting married.

The world’s tallest man has married a woman who is 25 years younger than he is - and two-thirds of his height.

After a global search for a suitable bride, herdsman Bao Xishun ended up marrying a saleswoman from his home city of Chifeng in northern China.

Mr Bao, who stands at 2.36m (7ft 8.95in) tall, tied the knot with Xia Shujian, 29, several days ago.

The 54-year-old gained fame last year when he saved two dolphins by pulling dangerous plastic from their stomachs.

He used his long arms to remove shards that the animals had swallowed at an aquarium in Fushun, north-east China.

News of Mr Bao’s wedding has delighted commentators in China.

The Beijing News reported: “After sending out marriage advertisements across the world and going through a long selection process, the efforts have finally paid off.”

Mr Bao was confirmed as the world’s tallest living man by Guinness World Records last year.

He overtook the previous holder, Radhouane Charbib of Tunisia, by just 2mm.

Guinness World Records say Mr Bao was of normal height until 16 but then put on a spurt that doctors were unable to explain, reaching his full height in seven years.

I want to think his dick is the size of a baseball bat.

Now with 22.7% more video

Sometimes, I like to re-watch the Macworld keynote address Steve Jobs orated to the Apple flock in January. I know, I'm sick. In it, the J-o-b (s) specified upcoming products, much like dropping iBombs on your world, which were Apple TV and iPhone. And in it, Stevie-J said a few words that I missed before, yet blew me away when I heard them this time.

He said this during the introduction of Apple TV, the company's new physical iTunes media extender with internal hard drive and Wi-Fi capabilities for watching your tunes and movies on widescreens in the living room. And, he said the following off-handedly so I understand it why no one has picked up on it:

It's got a forty-gigabyte hard drive inside it, so it will store up to fifty hours of video, which comes in handy for something I'm about to show you. [Crowd chuckles.]

—Macworld San Francisco 2007 Keynote Address
(exactly 14 minutes in; emphasis illustrates key point)

Watch The Pounders video:

Woah. I encourage all the experts and pundits to revisit the video at precisely this interval in time. See, it didn't make sense at the time of the speech because the audience didn't know, not really, just what would be unveiled next. Comes in handy for what? What he would unveil next in the keynote was iPhone, turning the above phase into: "It's got a forty-gigabyte hard drive...which comes in handy for your iPhone." Looking at it now, knowing of what he was speaking, gives a new enlightenment as to what he meant by this handy hard drive. So what did he mean?

Well, Apple TV has 802.11 Wi-Fi, and, gee, iPhone has 802.11 Wi-Fi meaning these two citizens know how to talk to each other. To say that Apple TV's hard drive — a repository of 50 hours of video, or 9,000 tunes — is "handy" for iPhone speaks volumes for the interoperability of these two once-seemingly separate products. What it says is that iPhone will directly or indirectly (through the computer) connect with Apple TV, and use its 40-gigger storage space as a media library. iPhone's sophisticated Leopard OS can easily handle Apple TV.

It needs to do this because iPhone can't handle the load, having only a four- or eight-gigabyte storage solution. Disney's Glory Road is a two-hour movie weighing in at 1.35 gigabytes. The smaller-spaced iPhone will only hold about three Glory Roads. This means always syncing to the computer via its dock or to Apple TV through Wi-Fi. Or, connecting iPhone's dock directly to Apple TV's USB port, though Apple says that port is just for maintenance.

The above phrase then becomes: "It's got a forty-gigabyte hard drive...which comes in handy to pull content directly to your iPhone."

It means that, like chess, these separate pieces will work in concert to form a greater whole in the Apple user experience. Up to now, we've only seen the pieces: Apple TV with Wi-Fi draft N. Airport Extreme with draft N. Airport curiously stackable to the Mac mini, along with Apple TV. Airport Extreme's ability to attach a hard drive. Leopard. Time Machine. My herpes. 720p output for Apple TV.

What does all of this mean? No fucking clue. But these will all come together in some way we hadn't anticipated, and I bet the release of the next OS at the World Wide Developer's conference in July will tell us all.

Out on a limb predictions

1. I hereby predict that Apple's new iPhone will at least speak to, if not be able to completely control, Apple TV, making Apple TV one of iPhone's storage solutions
2. I predict Apple will tout a new media server solution that involves these components: Airport Extreme with the new 802.11n capabilities, connected hard drive, & Leopard (the upcoming Mac OS X 10.5); the Airport Wi-Fi base station with its connected large-capacity hard drive will provide Apple TV and any computer on the network with a central repository for all media files (not to mention back up capabilities inherent to Leopard). The speed of the new draft N makes this happen
3. Moreover, Apple will announce its own branded external hard drive with the same form factor as both the Airport and Apple TV, making it the perfect companion for either. For Airport, a connected hard drive provides the perfect place for Leopard's new built-in back up functions called "Time Machine"; for Apple TV, obviously, it will provide a boost in storage to house all those iTunes movie purchases. iPhone (and its touchscreen iPod brother) will connect to the hard drive no matter which it's connected to.

Labels: Best of

You may remember I posted a little news story on a dude who fucked his girlfriend's dead dog. Well, apparently copycats are already stealing his limelight! Some dude was found guilty of having sex with a dead deer. Thank god our government saw fit to write into law something about fucking dead deers.

A 20-year-old man received probation after he was convicted of having sexual contact with a dead deer. The sentence also requires Bryan James Hathaway to be evaluated as a sex offender and treated at the Institute for Psychological and Sexual Health in Duluth, Minn.

As it turns out he was just looking for a suitable mate. Kind of like this guy: http://www.smog.pl/wideo/8668/wykorzystany_przez_delfina/. Here's a link to the original story (the one about a dude fucking a deer, not a dolphin like in this video I just linked to): http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070321/ap_on_fe_st/deer_sex.

The little box that will set the world on fire is what people in the know call Apple Motherfucking TV.

In San Francisco, Apple store worker and visuals coordinator Christian, as well as some other TV installer, work on the display. (Please forgive the shittiness of the pictures.)

A silhouette of a family sit in their living room's front row to enjoy their new Apple TV. The message: "If it's on iTunes, it's on TV. Introducing  tv."

They are using a Sony plasma television.

In response to Tironius and his question about Super Mario Bros. 2:

Japan's version of Super Mario Bros. 2 was NOT the same game as the one we all know in the US. In Japan SMB2 is a direct sequel to Super Mario Bros. and has the same graphics and enemies. Only a few minor changes appear in the game, such as the inclusion poison mushrooms. Also, the game is far more difficult than SMB, which is one reason why it wasn't initially release in the US.

The game that we Americans are familiar with is known in Japan as Super Mario USA or Doki Doki Panic. It was never developed as a Mario game, thus the cast of strange characters that never appeared in the original Mario games. Nintendo simply swapped the original Doki Doki characters out for Mario characters, and kept all the other assets unchanged:

Eventually the Japanese version of Super Mario Bros. 2 was released in the US under the name Super Mario Bros: The Lost Levels and received a visual upgrade thanks to the power the Super Nintendo.

The game was again rereleased in Japan on the Game Boy Advance in 2004 to celebrate the 20 year anniversary of the Famicom system. It quickly became one of Japan's best selling GBA titles that year.

I honestly didn't think something like this could happen in real life. I figured the Pounders would have to make a movie about it one day to warn our society of their responsibility NOT to have sex with dead animals. But this lunatic beat us to the punch.

Just when you thought bestiality couldn't get any ickier, it does – thanks to a man who is charged with having animal sex with a dead dog, in full view of a day care centre. Ronald Kuch, a 44-year-old from Michigan, is charged with 'crimes against nature' after allegedly being seen having sex with the dog corpse, which had been dead for four or five days.

http://www.funreports.com/fun/06-02-2007/1488-dog_sex-0

A theory as to the possibility that iPhone and Apple TV will be able to communicate with each other. In Steve Jobs' keynote address at this year's Macworld, he off-handedly said something that sheds light on how these two devices will interact. Does my theory hold water? Watch.

Now it’s personal.

This one slipped by me. According to Wikipedia, in 2003, Bush signed into law the PROTECT Act of 2003. This law among other things makes the depictions we see all the time in hentai manga illegal, because they are of underage girls engaging in sex.

This, however, contradicts a Supreme Court upturn of the Child Pornography Prevention Act of 1996 which did the same thing. The Supreme Court, as it applied to that law, said it “prohibits speech that records no crime and creates no victims by its production,” presumably because they are only products of the imagination and not real people. The court deemed that portion of the law unconstitutional in 2002 and reaffirmed it in 2004.

The ACLU, according to the Wiki entry, hasn’t come across a suitable case to challenge the constitutionality in the assumed jurisdiction over the imagination.

One of my favorite hentais is by a great artist named Kisaragi Gunma, entitled “Love Selection.”
In it high school girls with big knockers have in-class sex sessions. The artwork is terrific. I’m always having to Windex the computer monitor. By the way, ninety percent of hentai is a fucking snooze: shy boy gets with shy girl, she blows him, they have vanilla sex. This one, however, has great student-with-student and student-with-teacher classroom orgies. If the students in this were depicted as more childlike like many others I have seen, it might be considered illegal.

I would wager by my anecdotal dealings with hentai, admittedly not an expert in the field, that at least 50% comic works—undoubtedly more—depict junior high girls or younger engaging in coerced or mutually consenting sweet, slutty, flesh-rubbing sex.

Interestingly, many styles of Japanese artists have the adult characters rendered in the big-eyed, childlike way, yet the characters are explicitly defined in dialogue as being twenty-somethings or older. This makes things really murky: what is legal and what isn’t? If I am an artist in America creating Japanese style manga, just how big do I make the eyes and how big do I make the breasts for it to be deemed “adult”?

I have to now ask these questions because I have a week off coming up and I wanted to try my hand at comic book creation, using my own art style but mixing in Japanese influence. I thought I might create a piece that has action or suspense combined with XXX sex, in the style of Mezzo Forte and _Kite _(always buy the director’s cut if you want the raunch). The director of these two movies didn’t create movies for the sole purpose of masturbation, but rather the hardcore sex is icing on the violently bloody cake.

So, I hope I can find a story to accommodate next week’s comic creation. Q–Pounder, I’m looking in your direction. Wish me luck and wisdom to know how young to make my characters.

My sperm receptacle and I have been recapturing our lost youths with the evergreen Super Mario Bros. 3. It holds up. Here is a question to the Bang Ganger, though, the master-expert of all things Nintendo (and for that we love him). I also have the Super Mario Bros. 2 ROM, and I started playing it. The receptacle had no idea what it was. Ganger, was Super Mario Bros. 2 released in Japan, or did they go directly to 3?

Super Mario Bros. 2:

Normally, I wouldn't post someone elses methods for nabbing some rich creamy Japanese juice, but these videos are just too awesome. Tironius, did you post these yet?

Part 1

Will somebody tell me why I continue to watch this shitty show? First, they pretend to be a news program but utterly fail by only delivering news headlines, which is the most useless thing in the world. I mean, isn't it indicative of our society when we just want something as superficial as a headline? Where is the value in that? Why even bother with the news at all? Just jump ahead to the inevitable Martha Stewart segment and be done with it (at least Martha taught me how to make the most delicious biscotti in the world- thank you Martha).

I would say the only redeeming quality of the shitty news break is watching Ann Curry, the hottest news anchor in network TV. She is actually half Japanese, which makes her completely fuckable. I am watching the damn show as I type this. Why are the stupid mother fuckers outside the studio so damn loud? Don't they know I want to punch them in the face?

Master of psychology and subliminal persuasion is back

England’s incomparable master of magic, suggestion, psychology, misdirection and showmanship (using a varied mixture of those techniques) will have a new series on Channel 4 in the U.K., according to the website of Objective Productions, the company that produces Derren’s shows. It says:

“The controversial award-winning psychological illusionist Derren Brown stars in his brand new series, Trick or Treat. In each episode a member of the public must choose between a Trick or a Treat and, as ever with Derren, anything could happen.” From [Objective Productions Company Website][2]

Excellent. I have become recently a huge fan of Mr. Brown and his tricks of the mind. To the pounders unfamiliar, Derren Brown has had several shows on U.K.’s Channel 4. It started with his series of specials, “Mind Control,” and later included his series “Trick of the Mind” running for three seasons. (I know because I downloaded them.) His most complained about show in the U.K. was called “Seance,” where he indeed conducted one. (Most of the complaints happened before the show aired by religious nuts.) His most controversial special was named “Derren Brown: Russian Roulette,” even making [CNN news][3]. In that, he whittled thousands of volunteers down to just one, selected to place a single bullet in the chamber of a revolver gun, afterward Derren plays Russian Roulette. Derren’s job: to stay alive.

But, to me his most amazingly spectacular special was one called “Derren Brown: The Heist.” Good god, the man used cult-like techniques of hypnotic persuasion to convince members a Derren Brown seminar (so they thought) to rob an armed guard at a bank. These are not actors, but rather normal people like you and me, normal people who ventured into felonious robbery without Brown ever telling them what they should do or how to do it.

Luckily, he uses his powers for good (TV) and not evil.

He has also written a book. I bought Derren Brown’s book Tricks of the Mind, and it is a great read on the basics of some what he does. Some of it I had already read from sources like Digg, for instance the eye ‘tells,’ or the way a person’s eye moves when they, say, lie. But his chapter on memory retention is genius, and I plan to fully employ the techniques therein.

In it, in the first part of that chapter on memory, he gave a list of twenty random nouns and told me, the reader, to memorize them. I of course could only get three. Then, using a visualization technique where you link the list of items together into pairs, I was able to memorize all of them:

1. Telephone
2. Sausage
3. Monkey
4. Button
5. Book
6. Cabbage
7. Glass
8. Mouse
9. Stomach
10. Cardboard
11. Ferry
12. Christmas
13. Athlete
14. Key
15. Wigwam
16. Baby
17. Kiwi
18. Bed
19. Paintbrush
20. Walnut

I assure you all of these are correct, and that I just now typed them without looking in the book. And, I read that chapter two weeks ago. Amazing. Other chapters delve into why people are duped by psychics, religion, and other ferry tales, and I love to see more and more atheists coming forward as public figures. (He talks about his own de-conversion from Christianity quite candidly in the book.)

I plan to use his techniques to start stacking life in my favor. Mr. 19 is also experimenting with them, and we’ll both keep our Pounder brethren in the light as to our success. Nineteen had an interesting bit of magic in a bar, so I hope he tells the story here.

Labels: Best of, Derren Brown, Magic, Television

For those who know children will never have a place in their life, a podcast of like-minds.

Fisher knew as early as third grade that she did not want children. She had no interest in games that involved playing house or cooing over babies.

—Kids R Not Us / Embracing the decision not to procreate

Assholes who tell me, upon hearing of my childless plans, "You say that now, but you'll change your mind," I find to be extremely patronizing. I ask those of you now exactly why you care so much that I come in my wife?

Whenever I see kids behaving ridiculously near me while I eat, I like to tell the joke: Whenever I see children I have an overwhelming want to place them in a burlap sac and bash them against the side of a tree—Jason Voorhees style.

Trolleys that go from Castro to Fisherman's Wharf have been imported from cities all over, including Shitcago, Milan, and L.A.

The ballet of lines above the gaye Castro. (They also serve to cage the hopes and dreams of the inhabitants.)

It's more funny than it sounds.

Beaver-Beater — French-Canadians
Beef-Curtain — Greeks
Berry Picker — Hispanics

—The Racial Slur Database