I reveal a play from my play book.

This one is not my original invention though (none of them are) it has history going back to the dawn of language and perhaps even further. It is devilishly simple and yields wonderful results. It has failed to work only once, and only then because circumstances surrounding this woman (see my later post “played by a master”) were just too daunting.

Suddenly, and without warning, you disappear for a day or two. …Make plans and break them. Frustrate her and confuse her.

Consider the following example. In 2002, back home, a new radio station appeared on the air. It was all music- all the good music you never heard on the radio — and get this — NO COMMERCIALS! I mean, it was like God himself had opened an FM station. No top-40, just a constant flow of unique songs with no commercials. It wasn’t long before I (and everyone else) were switching to this station and enjoying the lavish seemingly free music. That went on for weeks, then one day, the game had changed. Some of the music was still there, but now there were commercials everywhere! And the top-40 were on the endless cycle. We had been hoodwinked- yet still we held out hope. We kept tuning in, thinking our original impression would somehow return (it never did.) We kept it on our radios even though we knew it would never be the same. The bait and swith had been pulled. We now associated KSHIT with good music even though that was not the case anymore. We were hooked.

This works with women too (and for girls, it works REALLY well on guys!) Here is how to execute it, step my step.

1. Pick your mark.

Find the woman you want to dedicate the time and energy to conquer. She needs to not be the alpha-female. Find someone who isn’t used to being showered with attention- maybe even a girl who needs that.

2. The Sudden Infatuation.

Suddenly, you are struck with a heart-felt, deep infatuation for this woman. You daydream about her like some sap from the movies. You always say her name. Here is the key: ONLY talk about it to her friends. Be totally funny and light-hearted about it. Be candid and say things like this: “Man, she is just so cute- I have to marry her!” or “When is my sweetheart coming back?” and laugh with them. It is crucial that you saturate her friends, and that you charm them with the ambiguity of it being a joke / playful.

3. The “Confession.”

After you have charmed her friends with your ‘love’ for her and your ‘hopeless crush,’ you move on to her. Remember this is all a “joke.” When she comes by and you are with her friends, you play the part (dramatically and humorously) of the fool in love. The goofier the better. The key is to make this a habit and a routine and to do it many times. Make sure she thinks it is cute and funny.

4. A Joke…Or Is It?

You keep teasing her about liking her and being helplessly in love. Sooner or later, she will begin to wonder if you aren’t serious. Now the hook is in. When she or her friends question your sincerity always be ambiguous. Say “yeah, I really do like her so much,” and then make a joke- so you keep it 50/50

5. The Switch.

Credit here goes to the Great Madame Renee Lenclose of 18th Century France. Suddenly, and without warning, you disappear for a day or two. Don’t be in places you would normally be. Don’t run into her. Fail to appear with her friends. Make plans and break them. Frustrate her and confuse her.

6. The Heartfelt Talk.

Now you reappear. Have your heartfelt talk with her and disclose to her that you really do like her so much and that you were worried that she didn’t feel the same way- so you kind of ducked out for a while. Make sure you wait long enough to frustrate and confuse her. Make her MISS your attention, praise and affection. Then you offer her a chance to lock in that affection with a relationship.

Labels: Best of, How to Seduce

Mr. 19 and I have a new interest in the power of hypnotism, or neuro-linguistic programming, having seen Derren Brown achieve free money using hidden commands. He is an expert at psychology, misdirection, hypnotism and showmanship.

This is not Mr. Brown, but watch this Japanese girl writhe in ecstasy from the hand of another woman while in hypnosis. It starts with just a hand shake, creating intense pleasure in the subject's pussy. She then has multiple orgasms by simply watching another girl eat a donut. I can only imagine the hypnotist convinced her that the donut was her sweet labia.

Watch her hips twitch and flutter when the other girl eats the donut. It's really hot.

Labels: Best of

Nintendo recently added a few new additions to the Virtual Console service according to their website. In case you've been reading too much Apple news as of late, the VC service lets Wii owners download games to their harddrive for instant nostalgic gratification. Two new systems, NEO GEO and MSX, will begin offering games in the coming weeks. If you're not familiar with these two systems then I encourage to go the only place that matters- NEO GEO Wiki Page and MSX Wiki page.

For the uninitiated the NEO GEO offered some of the best arcade games throughout the 1990s including such classics as Metal Slug and Samurai Spirits (Shodown). As for the MSX, maybe you've heard of a little series called Metal Gear and a lesser known gem called SD Snatcher. Needless to say my dick ripped out of my pants at the sight of this news. Furious dick-ripping action confirmed! This is good news considering the NEO GEO was about $600 back in the day with the games reaching upwards of $200 each (I actually tried to save enough money to buy a NG system back in the day but it was a futile attempt). Fellow pounders, I implore you to check out the NOJ website to see all the systems currently available- NOJ Homepage.

Two accounts of bigotry

Nationalist sentiment creeps in; foreign resident in Japan experiences the wrath of passive-aggression due to scapegoating

I soon realize there’s a foot out in front of me, ostensibly trying to trip me. ... It belongs to the passenger who was standing in front of me when I was seated - he’s now stretching his foot backwards to try and trip me on my way out the door!

—Creepy crawlies comin' out o' the woods

On media coverage of foreigners:

Chubu foreigner crime has increased 3.3-fold, and Shikoku foreigner crime has increased 4.5-fold. A significant increase, but still a far cry from the 35-fold and 21.5-fold numbers cited in the articles.

—From the inside, looking in

The only things I hate worse than a racist, are spicks.

Of course McDonald's corporate is denying it, but the franchisees are saying that the recent overhauls to McDonald's kitchens are a prelude to one thing: All-day breakfast. —Consumerist: Shoppers Bite Back

Sometimes, I like to re-watch the Macworld keynote address Steve Jobs orated to the Apple flock in January. I know, I'm sick. In it, the J-o-b (s) specified upcoming products, much like dropping iBombs on your world, which were Apple TV and iPhone. And in it, Stevie-J said a few words that I missed before and blew me away when I heard them this time. He said this during the introduction of Apple TV, the company's new physical iTunes media extender for watching your tunes and movies on widescreen plasmas and LCDs in the living room. And, he said it pretty off-handedly so I understand it why no one has picked up on it:

It's got a forty-gigabyte hard drive inside it, so it will store up to fifty hours of video, which comes in handy for something I'm about to show you. [Crowd chuckles.]

—Macworld San Francisco 2007 Keynote Address (exactly 14 minutes in; emphasis illustrates key point)

Woah. I encourage all the experts and pundits to revisit the video at precisely this interval in time. See, it didn't make sense at the time of the speech because the audience didn't know, not really, just what would be unveiled next. Comes in handy for what? What he would unveil next in the keynote was iPhone, turning the above phase into: "It's got a forty-gigabyte hard drive...which comes in handy for your iPhone." Looking at it now, knowing of what he was speaking, gives a new enlightenment as to what he meant by this handy hard drive. So what did he mean?

Well, Apple TV has 802.11 Wi-Fi, and, gee, iPhone has 802.11 Wi-Fi meaning these two citizens know how to talk to each other. To say that Apple TV's hard drive — a repository of 50 hours of video, or 9,000 tunes — is "handy" for iPhone speaks volumes for the interoperability of these two once-seemingly separate products. What it says is that iPhone will directly or indirectly (through the computer) connect with Apple TV, and use its 40-gigger storage space as a media library. iPhone's sophisticated Leopard OS can easily handle Apple TV.

It needs to do this because iPhone can't handle the load, having only a four- or eight-gigabyte storage solution. Disney's Glory Road is a two-hour movie weighing in at 1.35 gigabytes. The smaller-spaced iPhone will only hold about three Glory Roads. This means always syncing to the computer via its dock or to Apple TV through Wi-Fi. Or, connecting iPhone's dock directly to Apple TV's USB port, though Apple says that port is just for maintenance.

The above phrase then becomes: "It's got a forty-gigabyte hard drive...which comes in handy to pull content directly to your iPhone."

It means that, like chess, these separate pieces will work in concert to form a greater whole in the Apple user experience. Up to now, we've only seen the pieces: Apple TV with Wi-Fi draft N. Airport Extreme with draft N. Airport curiously stackable to the Mac mini, along with Apple TV. Airport Extreme's ability to attach a hard drive. Leopard. Time Machine. My herpes. 720p output for Apple TV.

What does all of this mean? No fucking clue. But these will all come together in some way we hadn't anticipated, and I bet the release of the next OS at the World Wide Developer's conference in July will tell us all.

Out on a limb predictions

1. I hereby predict that Apple's new iPhone will at least speak to, if not be able to completely control, Apple TV, making Apple TV one of iPhone's storage solutions
2. I predict Apple will tout a new media server solution that involves these components: Airport Extreme with the new 802.11n capabilities, connected hard drive, & Leopard (the upcoming Mac OS X 10.5); the Airport Wi-Fi base station with its connected large-capacity hard drive will provide Apple TV and any computer on the network with a central repository for all media files (not to mention back up capabilities inherent to Leopard). The speed of the new draft N makes this happen
3. Moreover, Apple will announce its own branded external hard drive with the same form factor as both the Airport and Apple TV, making it the perfect companion for either. For Airport, a connected hard drive provides the perfect place for Leopard's new built-in back up functions called "Time Machine"; for Apple TV, obviously, it will provide a boost in storage to house all those iTunes movie purchases. iPhone (and its touchscreen iPod brother) will connect to the hard drive no matter which it's connected to.

YouTube keyword: Derren Brown

So, psyche pounders, I have discovered an amazing man famous in England. Magician, showman, mentalist, his work is absolutely amazing. Also, intriguing, because he, in no way, claims the things he does as real. He is telling you these are simply tricks of the eye and mind. The mind tricks, using NLP and suggestion, are absolutely the most interesting aspects of his performances. And in many of the videos, he tells you exactly how he does it.

In this, he converts the entire belief system of a group of people, from atheism to "spirituality." (He converts them back, later).

In lighter scenarios, he hypnotizes a group of mall patrons to, at the same time, lift their arms. In yet another, he simply asks a stranger for his house keys and wallet on the street and gets them, having been handed to him willingly. Search Derren Brown in YouTube, gents, and watch them all. I'm thinking of buying his book where he tells some of his tricks.

At the dog track, he instantly controlled the mind of the cashier, giving him money on a losing ticket:

My favorite is this one involving subliminal messages. Astounding:

Pounders, I declare all his videos on YouTube as required text for your future lives of getting whatever the fuck you want, including instantly obtaining Asian pussy, readily available like coke out of a vending machine.

Labels: Best of

Japanese people have a funny habit of abbreviating names. For instance if you have a "Family Computer," people call it "Famicom". We at Nintendo had thought of giving it a name that can not be abbreviated. It is a very short official name, and we wanted to add other words to create a new additional name. Such as "Wii Sports" "Wii Play" and so on. We debated how the Wii might be thought of in the English speaking countries. And we came to a conclusion that there is no other choice but to use this short, appealing name.

—Why Not Revolution, Miyamoto? - Kotaku

Real reason: Not many know, but Japan's government is hanging on by a thread. It's like African countries in that way, with many coups d' é tat every year. A name like "Revolution" would send Japan in a ten-year chaotic civil war, where men go to fight and die, pitting brother against brother, and the women must sell their delicious bodies to feed themselves and their half-and-half children (who I have disowned).

You may remember my masturbatory post concerning Wii Play from last week. Well, having spent a couple of days diving in and getting wet I can finally lay down the law fellow pounders. While Wii Sports is easily the more robust game between the two, Wii Play seems intended to introduce new players to the possibilities of the Wiimote.

That's why I find it strange that it wasn't a launch title, or better, included on the system's harddrive as a demo (since that is what the game genuinely feels like). Essentially, Wii Play offers some acceptable variety, such as Shooting, Laser Hockey, Find Mii (Where's Waldo for Wii) and Cow Riding. These games make brilliant use of the controller and really do suggest ways future titles may take advantage of the tech. But on their own they fail to really capture the full potential of any one of their represented genres.

Luckily there are some "game-like" elements, such as earning medals and ranking on the leader boards. But it only took me around one hour to hit gold on 6 of the 9 games (I got at least bronze or silver on the others). Fortunately the game is packed in with a controller, which by itself retails for $40 leaving little reason to bitch about the game's shortcomings. If you're looking for a game with a bit more longevity then pick up Rayman Raving Rabbids (my personal favorite) or Wario Ware: Smooth Moves instead.

Watch the trailer. Forget my Asian pussy's birthday; in July, I'm having an affair with Prime. And I think auto-fellatio is involved.

July 3, cunts.

With global warming finally impregnating the minds of even the most resistant observers, environmentally sustainable solutions are a hot topic as of late. I'm sure you are familiar with biofuels and how it is the Bush Administration's simple solution to recent global warming issues. But the campaign to harvest biofuels was deployed without any research as to what its damaging effects could be. Well, after years of transporting fuels across the globe and deforesting thousands of acres of rain forest we have clear evidence that this is not the solution to our problems.

Friends of the Earth estimates that 87 percent of the deforestation in Malaysia from 1985 to 2000 was caused by new palm oil plantations. In Indonesia, the amount of land devoted to palm oil has increased 118 percent in the past eight years.

I would urge my fellow Asian ass-pussy-mouth pounders to rent or download a copy of "Who Killed the Electric Car?" It may be trite in its accusations but it is definitely a cause for concern. We had the chance to ditch fuel vehicles a decade ago. Batteries that would get us 300 miles on a charge (and later generation batteries went even further with less charge time). Harvesting biofuels or hydrogen fuel cells does not correlate to positive effects on the environment. Also, just to make sure this entry meets the Pounder's sky-high standards- Reason #107 to bang an eastern Asian: hardly any anal hair! Lick away and save a village in Africa!

http://www.iht.com/articles/2007/01/30/business/biofuel.php

Still in China and still blocked from blogging, I present the Q-Pounder’s top ten reasons to learn the letters S-A-F (Single Asian Female) when responding to Craigslist personals.

From Q–Pounder:

By landing an Asian girl you can enjoy these privilages the average sap who didn’t bother checking overseas first would never enjoy. By the way, Asian-American or Asian-European girls are still western, and don’t count:

10) Asian girls understand math and science (it’s true)
9) Asian girls can cook
8) Asian girls are not only qualified to work,
but want to
7) Asian girls know how to conserve money
6) Asian girls are flexible (in both ways)
5) Asian girls don’t realize you’re a nerd
4) Asian girls don’t get fat after they marry
3) Asian girls bitch slower and less, since they have to do it in English
2) Asian girls have tight pussies and tighter asses

…And the #1 reason to date Asian instead… 1) Asian girls are all subbies in the sack once you break them

Well guys, any additions or amendments?

Labels: Best of

By popular request I am showing off my radical entertainment set-up. The following picture shows off my 42" Panasonic Plasma, Progscan DVD player, Audio Technic Record Player, Sony receiver (6 speakers) and entertainment cabinet loaded with gaggles of videogames (Wii, PS2 and Xbox).

But it doesn't stop there. My sick obsession with everything Nintendo has turned my once beautiful office into an unusable tomb of electronics and plastic. Ever since we put a PC in the living room, my "office" has turned into a sort of useless museum of forgotten trinkets and surrealist art. Some say you can get lost in its many chambers without an expert guide. Others talk of a hidden passage behind the Nintendogs display that leads to the fountain of youth. I dare not venture alone. Take a peak and fear for your life.

Today my Japanese flower and I made biscotti from scratch. We got the recipe from an issue of Martha Stewart's magazine. This is better than all of the anti-PC bullshit we've been hearing from tironius (Macs suck). We made the biscotti in preparation for our special 2-hour Jack Bauer night. That's right, two hours of Jack on Monday night. Heroes what? Fuck that show. Unfortunately I don't think I'll be able to keep myself from eating the whole batch.

Holy shit, is that hilarious comedian Dane Cook playing a P.I. photo man in a new Kevin Costner - Demi Moore thriller? Looks like a cool movie.

Synopsis from Apple's QuickTime site:

Earl Brooks (played by Academy Award winner, Kevin Costner) is a loving family man and a local business icon. But Mr. Brooks is deeply flawed and very aware of it. He is addicted to killing. Struggling with his pathology, he tries to quit, but his alter-ego, “Marshall” (played by Academy Award winner, William Hurt), has an altogether different idea. “Marshall” enjoys his “existence” and his “work.”

Some fun anagrams of our real names.

Tironius:
PLANT RUDELY

Kurippi 19:
A CHIMP RUINS

Q-Pounder:
CHINA MALL SORE

Bang Ganger:
LOW ITCH AWRY

— Internet Anagram

I've met this guy

Travis "Tears for" Fears, the theater department head at the San Francisco Apple Store, helps the Apple business team in Cupertino by demonstrating a few "switcher" basics as part of a free Apple Seminar aimed to help potential small business users.

I met Travis once when he was off duty on the night of Jobs's iPhone keynote, where he and a San Francisco store (lady) Genius came to watch and listen to Leo Laporte, Alex Lindsay, Merlin Mann and the gang record the podcast MacBreak Weekly (episode 23 & 24) at the 21st Amendment bar in San Franny. The podcast is a weekly technology podcast discussing Apple news and rumors. Being that this was the night of iPhone, this was a special taping live for an audience at the bar. Mr. Fears and I chatted for a second in the intimate space of the second level of the bar and having the pleasure to see famed New York Times technology writer David Pogue show up for the taping.

Also, the MacCast guy showed up to the same event to talk on the podcast with Mr. Laporte. While he was up at the front of the group talking for the podcast, I was at the back of the crowd nanpawing the lady he came with, who had apparently just met him that day. The MacCast is a podcast that apparently shows how to do shit on the Mac, because some douche bought the guy a drink because he "helped him out of a jam."

Yes folks, a follow-up (not a sequel mind you) to the amazing Wii Sports is coming in less than a weeks time and the Ganger is plenty erect. Last week I spoke on how Wii Sports intuitively replicates real-life movements via the Wiimote. Games like Bowling and Golf must be played like their real-life counterparts or success is highly unlikely. Mrs. Ganger illustrated this perfectly yesterday when she would lazily flick her wrist and end up in the gutter. But when she concentrated and followed through with her swing she increased her score dramatically.

So what the hell is Wii Play and why should we give a damn? Well, think of it more like a collection of mini-games (like Wario Ware but far less manic) that try to use the Wiimote in a unique way. For example, in Shooting players use the Wiimote much like a rifle and try to hit a variety of targets, such as balloons, UFOs and ducks (yes, they look just like those from Duck Hunt). The game also includes variations of Billiards, Ping Pong and Fishing among others.

I don't expect it to top the longevity of Wii Sports, but it should offer a fun diversion for casual get-togethers. At the very least it comes with a Wiimote, which will come in handy for two player Tennis matches in Wii Sports. If you don't have a second remote lying around, then buying Wii Play is like getting a full game for free (or closer to $10 since a remote costs $40 by itself). Check it out: Nintendo's Wii Play page. On a side note, if you're into the ADHD manic mini-game thing, then I would highly recommend Wario Ware Smooth Moves for Wii. It's about as sugar-coated as they come. Diabetes included.

Lately I've rediscovered how much I enjoy playing with my Wii. Typically I use the included internet browser to view high-def pr0n on my 42" plasma or fuck around with some classic games via the "Virtual Console" service. But a few weeks ago I was over at Lil Mazon's house and I challenged the gang to an asswhoopin of Wii Sports, one of the best games ever released. Somehow, I saw the game for what it actually was- one of the most engrossing and social experiments in gaming.

I know some of my fellow Pounders have yet to try this gem out for themselves but I implore you to give it a serious look. Three of my favorite games, Wii Tennis, Wii Golf and Wii Baseball (all included in Wii Sports) emulate their real-life counterparts with uncanny accuracy. But it doesn't stop there. A Training Mode allows you to hone your craft, which is where I began to really appreciate the game's subtle nuances.

For instance, in Wii Tennis timing is everything. It is not so much how you hit the ball, but rather when you hit it. I didn't learn this until just a few weeks ago. But it made a huge difference in my game. Also, just holding the Wiimote upright (palms facing left) gives you the ability to constantly slice your shot, which is a huge competative advantage. I've noticed people trying to contort their wrists in a vein attempt to copy what they may have learned in tennis classes. But it is merely a matter of timing and whether or not your holding the Wiimote upright or sideways.

I know my homedog Q-Pounder was initiated into the way of Wii Sports back in December. But I don't think we had an opportunity to really explore the game like I have in recent weeks. It gives me that sensation of discovering something fresh and unique. It has been a long time since I felt a connection with a game that is so simple in design. Plus who doesn't love to furiously shake, rub and pull on their Wii?