A Word or Two from Mr. Nineteen.™

Well, I have been asked by Mr. Tironius to share some of my finer moments on this forum of insensitivity. I have chosen to do so by means of a "Warm Memories" series in which I will share a random anecdote with readers from my past exploits.

#15 The Cat's Meow

It was a cold November night. I was at home knitting and watching porno in my small Japanese room. Then there was a suspicious knock at the door. "Good god Martha, it's 11:30pm on a worknight- who on earth could it be?" I had suspicions it was the water company- claiming that I needed to pay for the right to shower and defecate- NEVER! But the visitor I had at this hour was much more...feline in natue. I opened the door and cautiously peered out into the wintery darkness. No one. I started to head back inside when I heard a rather peculiar "Meow?" I fumbled to get my monacle in so I could see better. I saw what I made out to be a tail poking out from around the corner of the walkway (or was it a 'catwalk?') "Cats do not knock," I thought to myself "but SLUTS do!" I decided to play along- "Here kitty-kitty!" I said. And the night time visitor showed itself. We will call her "Chi-Chan" for now. She was 35. She strutted up to the door wearing black thigh-highs, high-heels, hotpants, a 'cat-tail', cat-ears, a boustier, whiskers, and long acrylic black fingernails. Now I have always been one to bring in strays, and I could see that this cat needed a bath and maybe a few injections. I brought her in out of the cold. I would later wonder if she had walked like that all the way from the train station, or maybe even ridden the train in that getup. We will never know.

The licking began, as cats do. There was the detaching of the garter belts from the stockings, the wagging of the tail in my face, there was also the removal of several other items of peculiarity- including some furry "cuffs." I thought to myself "only in my twisted life do these things happen."

I tamed that bad kitty four times that night and a little bit the next morning. She was a 'pegger.' (look up 'pegging' on wikipedia.) That can be particularly fun and confusing at the same time. This game of Cat and Mouse went on for several weeks. However, #15's craziness and clinginess eventually destroyed her attractiveness. I let her go around late December.

The Cat Strikes Back

One day in July or so, I was at work getting ready to teach my next class. I realized that I needed a CD from my good friend R's room. Now you see, here is the strange part. R, was Ms. Kitty's teacher! Crazy girls are prone to chronic lateness. Ms. Kitty liked to come to his private lesson about 40 minutes late on average- now this is pretty amazing seeing as the class is only 50 long. Needing the CD, I entered his classroom at the very latest I possibly could to grab it. So, of course, she did what any sane adult would do in this situation. She cried hysterically and tried to get me fired. (and almost did.) Waiter, Check Please! In parting, let me share with you the chain of command that was followed in 'addressing this issue' with me. Her (slut) --> Asst. Manager --> Regional Manager --> District Regional Local Manager --> Janitor --> Manager --> Local Western Eastern Asst. Regional District Manager (ret.) --> Consulting Firm --> A man walking by --> me. Well, that is bureaucracy hard at work! And the results were stunningly efficient- nothing happened. Well, that is the story of #15, the naughty kitty. Hope you enjoyed. --Mr. Nineteen

Labels: Best of